20 things to do in the supermarket

Well it had to happen eventually. After writing 135 blog posts about avoiding the supermarkets (some admittedly more tenuous that others) today I've completely ran out of steam. I've not been near any shops all weekend, I'm quite tired, I'm just beginning a Sunday evening graveyard shift at work, and I really don't have anything to say.

So in a fit of desperation I've turned to Google, and after typing in a few random supermarket-based searches, I've found several dozen lists of things to do in the supermarket to annoy other customers. You know the type - "50 funny things to do in Asda" etc.

So I've put together a compilation of the best below......

1, Find a fat person with loads of fizzy drinks in their trolly, wait until they aren't looking, and then shake up all the bottles. Hope they will have a drink as soon as they've paid.

2, Set up a bowling alley using pineapples for pins. Watermelons make good bowling balls.

3, Walk around the store talking loudly into a banana, as if on a mobile phone.

4, Position a shopping trolly in the middle of an aisle, get into it, and pretend to fall asleep.

5, Scatter several packets of paracetemol tablets onto the floor then lie down amongst them and pretend to be unconscious.

6, Fill your trolly full of lamb chops and then push it round singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' really loudly.

7, Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the fresh meat counter.

8, Pick up a fresh bread roll, take it over to the dairy aisle and make yourself a cheese sandwich. Then take it to the checkout to pay and tell the cashier you put extra mayo on it.

9, Burst all the family bags of Dorritos.

10, Try to buy one grape.

11, Pay in pennies.

12, Take photos of men putting feminine hygiene products into their carts. Tell them they'll be able to download their photos at spinelesshenpeckedfairies.co.cuk

13, Go to the clothes section and request a consultation with a personal stylist.

14, Make a trail of orange juice across the floor, leading to the bathrooms.

15, Walk up to complete strangers and say "hi, I haven't seen you in ages". See how long you can keep the conversation going.

16, Put a pair of women's pants from the clothes department onto your head, then walk around the store really casually.

17, Move the 'caution, wet floor' signs to carpeted areas.

18, Randomly throw things over into neighbouring aisles.

19, Sit down at an empty checkout and then try to check people out, but say all the "blips" yourself, really loudly.

20, Make up nonsense products and then ask supermarket staff to direct you to them. "Do you have any woopsiebops here?"