A little lunchtime pampering

I smell and feel amazing.... from the elbows down.

Why? Well I spent my lunch break yesterday in handmade cosmetics shop Lush, in Derby, enjoying some very nice skin treatments administered by crazy but hilarious shop assistant Lawrii.

To set the scene, Lawrii is flamboyant, tall and slender, heavily pierced and tattooed, with huge 80s hair, and he spots me as soon as I walk through the shop door.

I’d planned to just quickly grab some shampoo and be on my way, but that plan went out of the window in a flash. Never mind – the whole point of avoiding supermarkets is to meet people and have fun while shopping, so I decide to submit to Lawrii’s attentions.

Within minutes he’s fetched me a vegan oaty biscuit from the back of the store after I confessed that I’d skipped breakfast and introduced me to the rest of the staff.

I’m wearing a top with tiny little dogs printed on it, so Lawrii then proceeds to name them all (Gerald and Mimi are the ones I remember now), while at the same time lathering my hands with a new type of conditioner.

Over the next 10 minutes we swap notes on Lawrii’s relationship and his hair care regime - which turns out to be very different to mine. He puts a lot of effort into achieving a huge bouffant, meanwhile I spend a lot of time trying to tame my unruly mane.

We also discover a shared love of enjoying alcohol and a good book in the bath, and compare stories on the difficulties of having to stand up in the bath to wash after having drunk a little too much.

Every so often my new friend breaks off from our conversation to bellow a joyful “HIYA!” at any new customer to walk into the shop.

Lawrii then drags me over to a bowl of hot water and demands I offer him a naked arm. This clearly wasn’t part of the lunchtime shopping plan but by this point I’m enjoying myself too much to care so I shrug my coat off.

My hands and arms are washed, exfoliated, massaged and moisturised with loving care. Lawrii is clearly getting into the swing of things here. “Touch this..... smell this....” he keeps telling me with each new product he produces.

With a final flourish he pats my arms dry and then adds a touch of scent to my wrists.

“Ta-dah! How do you feel?” He asks.

“Oooooooooh nice,” I answer, marvelling at my baby-soft arms.

“And see, if you do that in the bath then your whole body will feel like that.”

Lawrii is an amazing salesman and by the time I leave I’ve also agreed to a new moisturiser (the one we road tested) and a soap that helps to support a charity called Sea Shepherd UK, which is working to protect the world’s ocean wildlife. The soap is aqua green and has a little black shark’s fin sticking out of it.

I tell him about My Year Without Supermarkets and he is delighted, telling me that he doesn’t like Tesco because apparently in China they sell live turtles in the supermarkets.

It’s been a bizarre but entertaining way to spend a lunch hour and Lawrii is one of my new favourite shop assistants.

Back in the office I proffer my inner arms to my alarmed colleagues and demand to be admired.
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“Yep, pretty soft,” admits one of my colleagues as his gingerly touches my wrist. “And you smell quite good too.”

I pity those poor folks who are still caught up in the dull and soul-destroying routine of buying their shampoo and moisturiser from the supermarket. Give me a whicker basket in Lush over a nasty shopping trolly any day!